Feeling like you belong is fundamental to human health, happiness, and well-being.
A huge amount of research has shown that people who feel connection within various social groups usually have: higher levels of self-esteem; lower rates of depression; lower rates of anxiety; they are more trusting; they are less likely to attempt suicide; and they have more empathy towards other people...
When we have the sense of belonging that we all crave, we not only embrace our most positive qualities, but we also become more confident with being our true selves.
All very positive if you want to be a healthy, well-adjusted human being.
Where do you get your social connection and sense of belonging from?
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Coming from South Africa to England, I always felt like I was an outsider to some degree. Even when people were friendly, there was still the sense that I needed to play a role in order to be fully accepted (rejection was really hard for me as a kid ~ why was it happening and what was I doing wrong? I didn't understand it).
I knew I definitely didn't want to feel this way as an adult, however, so as I ventured out into the world, I looked for groups where I felt a strong sense of belonging, acceptance, and community.
Every time I found one of these groups, my confidence and self-belief went up.
"The foundation of what makes lives go well is not the individual but the quality of our relationships; the development of trust, the giving and receiving of love and support and the myriad ways in which relationships can be life-enhancing." - Felicia Huppert (Founding Director of the Well-being Institute at the University of Cambridge)
For me, one of the main groups of people that have provided me with this feeling time and time again have been rugby players.
I don't know the exact reasons why, but it feels like wherever you are in the world, there will be a group of rugby players ready to welcome ANYONE who wants to join in and give it a go.
It's such an inclusive sport, and I love it for that.
(Siem Reap's Temple Tigers recently hosted a touch rugby tournament)
While I was playing rugby in the USA, I remember the coach calling a player in our squad 'the equalizer' ~ he joked that playing him made it more fair for the opposition. The player himself felt so much a part of the group that his self-esteem and confidence didn't take a hit; we all helped him improve and he was very much part of the group.
The quality of the relationships, the trust, the support ~ it was all there.
And this is something that groups of rugby players seem to offer in abundance, wherever you go.
It's SO NICE to be a part of, and being involved in this sport has helped develop my self-confidence and sense of belonging in a variety of important ways.
(Getting ready to make a 'touch tackle' against a Phnom Penh player)
As social beings, we thrive in a supportive community, and playing touch rugby with Siem Reap's Temple Tigers is where I have found this most recently. Both men and women come together to play on the same team, and the feeling of social connection and belonging is strong in everyone.
During the organisation of the recent tournament, the whole team were involved in the decision making processes. Everyone had the opportunity to have their opinions heard, from kit design to the team name. Not only that, but many local businesses were involved and supported what was an amazing day.
No matter how you get it, it's so important to find a supportive social group that gives you the feeling of belonging and connection. It might feel difficult if you have high levels of social anxiety, but the benefits to the mind and body are tremendous!
I'm very grateful for this community, and I'm so happy to have met another group of awesome people who play this great sport.
(If you are in Siem Reap and you'd like to try touch rugby, please send a message on the team's Facebook page)
